How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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