whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
