3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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