I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize