Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
