i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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