I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
