david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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