That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
