dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just had sex bonerless
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
