i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
