Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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