I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just pee around me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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