For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
