Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
