I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
