nut hugger
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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