I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dear god my vagina.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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