Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
