That's intense
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
