Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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