Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
