...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
