the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
