I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize