sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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