Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
