What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize