but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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