I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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