Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
