The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
