dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
