I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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