yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
