Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize