Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
