I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
