So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
3pm strippers are depressing
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
