"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize