he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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