i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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