This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
