Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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