Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think i have two assholes
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
