It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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