how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
