Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
