Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
