yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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