Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
