I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize