Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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