Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
