I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
