I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
