I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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