hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
