We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
