beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm passing your future prison.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
