It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
