dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize