I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
