i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
