i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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