Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
