Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
